“I can do it!”: How can I help my TCK attain goals?

Goals, whether short-term or long-term, are the unsung heroes of our lives. They're quietly steering us towards something, be it tackling daily home chores or setting sights on that dream university major. For Third Culture Kids (TCKs), goals may involve adapting to a new country, a process laden with peaks and valleys. So, you might wonder, “How can I lend a helping hand to my TCK in reaching their goals?”

Meet the self-determination theory

A rockstar concept from social psychology, this theory reveals that when we satisfy our needs for autonomy, competence, and connection with others, we're on the fast track to happiness, which can be ultimately translated into goal-crushing actions!

Autonomy

is about feeling like the goal is yours, not someone else's. Take, for example, your child realizing that exploring the new city and making friends are both crucial steps to feeling at home in the new country. They've nailed the autonomy game by understanding the influence they have on reaching the goal of connecting with the new place!

Competence

comes next, gauging whether your child believes in themselves. If they're confident about solo city exploration and friend-making, that's fantastic! This doesn’t mean they have to do it alone - if they know they can ask someone to support them on their city adventures, this is also great too.

Relatedness

is the belief that behavior connects us to others and makes us feel valued. Humans thrive on connection, and if your child sees connecting with the country and its culture as a personal social milestone, they're onto something meaningful!

But, let’s be real – these things don’t just happen like magic. Your child might feel competent in the actions, but think the goal was set by someone else. If they don’t feel like they have control over a situation or see why a goal exists, it might mean they will not feel motivated towards the goal itself. That’s when those heart-to-heart talks come into play. Understand what matters to them, and navigate through disagreements – it’s all part of the journey!

Now, let’s talk about execution – the nitty-gritty of turning goals into reality. Intrinsic motivation, rooted in personal relevance and enjoyment, is the real MVP here. Yet, sometimes, extrinsic motivation steps in—think about promising your child a movie night with friends if homework gets done on time. Although both can be effective, research hints that intrinsic motivation keeps the action going for longer and more consistently. When intrinsic motivation falters, extrinsic motivation can swoop in to save the day!

We get it, helping children navigate the maze of goals isn't a walk in the park, especially for the younger ones still figuring out the ropes. Being a supportive figure in their goal-getting journey not only fosters closeness but also provides those precious bonding moments. And if the road gets rocky, if competing goals or disagreements rear their heads, fret not! Swing by our contact form to discover how we can join forces to make your and your children's teamwork smoother than ever!

Cheers,