Dear EKC: I’m feeling stressed all the time…
Dear EKC,
I am so nervous all the time! It feels like the tiniest things can knock me off balance. Not being able to find my favorite pen, thinking I may have forgotten a piece of homework, or raising my hand in class when I know the answer. I can feel a knot quickly tightening in my stomach, and my hands get cold and sweaty, and my mind starts coming up with a bunch of worst-case scenarios.
I think this all started when I switched schools last semester, but it’s gotten so much worse since we came back after the winter holidays. It feels like I am being crushed by the weight of homework, tests, and after-school activities. Even hanging out with my friends can now make me worry since I keep thinking about all the homework I could be doing at that time.
I know everyone gets stressed sometimes, but it seems like I rarely feel relaxed now. Does this mean something is wrong with me? Is there anything I can do to make myself feel better and calm my nerves?
- Constantly Nervous
Dear Constantly Nervous,
Thanks for reaching out to us! I’m sorry you have been feeling so stressed recently. You’re right, it happens to all of us from time to time, but when it seems like the nerves never want to leave us alone, it can overwhelm us. It’s understandable that you feel something is wrong - our bodies are built to have small bursts of stress, and when they start to have more long-term stressors it can take a toll on us.
Big changes, such as switching schools, can affect our minds and bodies a great deal, which sometimes shows up as this unpleasant, nervous energy you described. Although this is normal, as everyone needs time and space to adjust to a new environment, when we carry this tension around for too long, we may react strongly to seemingly tiny mishaps such as misplacing a pen. That’s why it’s important to pay attention to regulating emotions and find strategies to help manage stress. Of course, there is no one-size-fits-all solution, but there are many to choose from to find out what works and feels right for you:
Take a deep breath. Literally! Although it sounds very simple, there is a good reason you’re always hearing this advice. When we breathe deeply and slowly, in through the nose and out through the mouth, we engage our diaphragm and encourage the chest and belly to expand. This decreases the bodily responses related to stress and helps us to calm down, as it communicates to the brain that we are in a safe situation.
Try sensory activities. These are meant to stimulate your senses, to help you feel more grounded in your body. By focusing on what you are experiencing through touch, sound, sight, or smell you gain more control and awareness of the sensory information your brain receives. This brings down the feelings of overwhelm and stress, helping to self-soothe. Many items can help do this. Fidget toys, nature sound playlists, lava lamps, or essential oils can all support connecting with your body and calming nervous sensations. The fun part is exploring which one works best!
Get active! When we exercise regularly, our body becomes less sensitive to the feelings of stress and anxiety. Physical activity encourages our brain to release endorphins, which improve mood and increase energy. It is also very useful in helping the brain re-focus from worries and worst-case scenarios to the present - you can’t be too concentrated on an essay due next week if you need to defend a goal in a football match - right? Oh, and bonus points if you find a way to exercise outside - being in nature is a big stress reliever. Don’t worry if full-on intense exercise or team sports feel too intimidating. Taking a walk or doing a few stretches even for 20 minutes can already help your body and brain reset.
Start a journal. If you enjoy writing or drawing and feel that sometimes all the stressful thoughts in your head are just too much, journaling might be great to explore. By putting down everything that you’re experiencing, you become more aware of your emotions and may see a way to navigate them much more easily. Also, there’s a good chance that if you put a problem down on paper, you’ll encourage your brain to automatically start thinking about solutions.
Create a routine. Stress can often come from feeling like everything is out of your control. Coming up with an after-school routine for when you complete your homework, study for an upcoming test, or spend time with friends can make your day more predictable and help focus attention on the activity you’re completing at a given moment. If everything has its place, you will be less likely to be worried that maybe you should have been studying, instead of going to a friend’s for a movie night.
Since there are a lot of options, finding the perfect fit for you might take a moment. Even though it can be disheartening to find that something is not very effective, don’t give up! It still gives you useful information and helps you learn more about yourself, which takes you one step closer to uncovering the thing that works just right.
Oh and lastly - creating new habits is hard, so don’t try to go all in on the first day. Pick one strategy that appeals to you the most. Challenge yourself to use it once daily for a while and then increase it, or switch to a different one if you are not satisfied. Taking small steps ensures that you can keep up the progress.
You’ve got this!