Dear EKC: Am I “TCK Enough”?

Dear EKC, 

I’ve spent my whole life moving between different cultures. My parents are from two different countries and we’ve lived in a third one since I was little. I switch between languages without thinking, my accent shifts depending on who I’m talking to, and I have no idea how to answer the question “Where are you from?” 

I’ve always related to what people say about being a “Third Culture Kid,” or TCK. That feeling of never really belonging, of being a mix of all the places I’ve lived, but not fully fitting into any of them–it all sounds like me. But I recently read that the term “TCK” was originally meant for kids whose parents moved them around for work, like diplomats or in the army. That’s not exactly my situation.

So now I’m feeling like I don’t count. Like I’ve been claiming an identity that isn’t technically mine. But if I’m not a TCK, what am I? Is there another word for people like me? Or am I just overthinking? 

–Not Sure Where I Fit

Dear Not Sure, 

Ahh, this is such a good question. It comes up all the time! I’m so glad you wrote in. So many people (myself included) get hit with imposter syndrome. It’s like we’re somehow “wrong” for relating to an experience that doesn’t fit the “textbook definition.” Why do we do this to ourselves? We gaslight ourselves into thinking we don’t belong when, ironically, that’s exactly the feeling so many TCKs talk about. 

The truth is, if you relate to the experience, the technicalities don’t matter. Whether your family moved for work, or love, or safety, or for any other reason, the emotional impact is what counts. If your sense of identity shifts depending on where you are, who you’re with, or even how you’re feeling–you’re not alone. 

So many people who grow up between cultures struggle with feeling like an outsider everywhere and nowhere at the same time. It’s confusing when home’s not a place, but a collection of languages, foods, and memories that don’t quite fit together in ways other people understand. 

And then there’s that question: “Where are you from?” For people who have always lived in one place, that’s an easy one, a straightforward answer. But for those of us who are made of so many different cultures, it feels impossible. Do you name the country on your passport? The place you lived the longest? The one you feel most connected to? Do you give the whole backstory, or just pick whatever’s easiest in the moment? If this all sounds familiar, congratulations! You are part of this experience, no matter what label you use. 

The words we use–TCK, Cross-Cultural Kid (CCK), migrant, refugee, immigrant, expat, global nomad–are just tools to help us understand ourselves. They aren’t meant to be exclusive clubs with strict entry requirements. The point isn’t to fit perfectly into a category, it’s to recognize that your experiences are valid. You don’t need to worry about whether you “count,” you absolutely do. It might be more helpful to focus on what parts of your story feel most meaningful to you. 

Some people find comfort in having a specific label and others don’t feel the need for one at all. The important thing is to give yourself permission to acknowledge what you’ve been through, without needing external validation. If you relate to the TCK experience, that’s enough. No one else gets to decide if your story is “correct.”

What can make the biggest difference is finding people who understand. The feeling of being caught between cultures can be lonely, but it’s a lot easier when you have relationships that reflect and recognize your experience. That might be other TCKs, or CCKs, but it could also just be people who respect your complicated sense of identity without trying to force you into a simple answer. 

You belong here, and that’s all that matters. 

Take care, 

Kate Berger

Clinical Supervisor & Psychologist

EKC Team Member