Dear EKC: I’m Tired of Having to Constantly Make New Friends
Dear EKC Team,
I can’t believe I have to move again. Every single time, I feel like I’m back at square one. Just when I’ve finally made friends and life’s good again, it’s time to pack up and start over. And then I’m there in the cafeteria on my first day, trying to find someone to let me sit at their table.
When we moved here, it took weeks to make new friends but I finally clicked with some people and thought, “maybe this is it?” We laugh a lot and have inside jokes and we’re always hanging out together and I feel like I belong for the first time in a while. But my dad said that his job is moving him again so we have to go. It’s like a thousand miles away. I’m sick of starting from scratch. I’m so tired. What’s the point of putting myself through this over and over when I know it’s going to end? It feels easier to just not try at all but I know that I’ll be really lonely if I don’t.
How do I handle these feelings and make myself want to do it all again?
-Feeling Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
Thank you for sharing what you’re going through. This has been a really tough time for you, and that makes sense. Moving often, or even just seeing friends come and go, can be a lot for anyone. New places and people bring excitement, but they’re also stressful—and doing it again and again can wear you out.
This is something I hear a lot from other TCKs, too. On one hand, they develop a talent for connecting with new people and making friends quickly: it’s a TCK superpower! But the flip side is that it can be hard to keep those friends close because, as you said, it often doesn’t last long. Sometimes we even start to distance ourselves just to avoid the pain of another goodbye. That’s totally normal, but pulling away can also mean that we miss out on really great connections.
You asked “what’s the point?” That’s such an important question and it’s one that only you can answer. Take a little time to think about it. Consider what your friendships have given you in the past. What’s really special about a good friend you once had, or still have after a move? What memories make you smile? Maybe even consider how it might feel to meet someone new who really gets you. Think about how your year will be different with that friend by your side.
And then think about it from the other perspective: what will life look like if you do stop trying? Where do you see yourself in five years if you hold back from new friendships? Sometimes, looking at it this way helps us see a different path forward.
There’s often pressure to be super social, or have a huge friend group, or keep up with every friend from every place you’ve been. But remember: you get to decide who you want to spend time with and how often. This could be a good opportunity to set your own boundaries and balance between hanging with friends and having time for yourself.
When it feels like everything’s changing, think about what’s sticking around. Maybe it’s family, like your parents or siblings, or friends you still keep in touch with. As you move, some friends could reappear in the future. You might also connect with people you’d never expect to. Keeping a memory book, scrapbook, or photo album can also be a great way to remember the good times.
It’s completely understandable to feel burned out and lonely. Try to take things one step at a time. And know that it’s always okay to reach out when you need extra support.
Wishing you all the best,
Inka Homanen
EKC Psychologist