Dear EKC: How Do I Settle After a Move?

Dear EKC team,

I've always loved the idea of stepping into something new, but moving to a whole new country for university is so much bigger than I imagined. I've been here for a couple of weeks now, and it's way harder than I thought it would be.

My dorm room is fine, but it doesn't feel like mine. No matter how much I rearrange things or put up posters, it’s just not home. I miss familiar faces, sounds, and my old routines. Lying in bed at night, all I hear are strange noises, and I feel so disconnected from everything. 

I chose a private so I could have my own space but I kind of regret not getting a roommate. The knot in my stomach hasn’t gone away since I got here, and each morning feels like I’m starting over, trying to figure it all out again. 

I knew moving would be tough, but I didn’t expect to feel so alone. I’ve always been kind of shy, so making friends has never been easy. Here, it feels even harder. Everyone seems to already have their own friend groups, and I can’t break in. I’ve tried going to cafés, walking around campus, and even attending a few events, but I always feel like I’m stuck in the same small talk. 

There’s also this strange mix of feelings that I can’t quite make sense of. On the one hand, I miss everything back home—my family, friends, even the little things like my favorite bookstore. On the other, I know there’s so much to look forward to in this new country and at university. But right now, that excitement feels buried under the loneliness and uncertainty.

I guess what I’m really asking is: how do I make this place feel like it’s mine? How do I go from feeling lost to feeling like I belong here? I know it takes time, but it’s tougher than I expected, and I could use some advice on how to get through this in-between stage.

Thanks for listening,  

–Lost and Looking

Dear Lost and Looking,

First off, take a deep breath. What you're going through is completely normal, and it’s a big deal to move to a new country at this stage of your life. You’ve already shown so much courage by taking this step, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. The mix of excitement, anxiety, and a bit of sadness from missing what’s familiar— it’s important to acknowledge all of that.

This is a weird time. Feelings of sadness and the grief of leaving things behind and the curiosity and excitement of discovering new things can all show up among many other emotions. It can be helpful to talk to loved ones, share your feelings. You are not alone.

Let’s start with your space. Even though your dorm feels temporary right now, you can make it more like home. Add things that remind you of where you’re from or that make you feel comfortable. It sounds like you’re already starting with the posters! Try bringing in some photos, a blanket, or some favorite snacks (even if you have to stop by the expat store). Small touches can bring a sense of familiarity. 

Then, try to get to know your surroundings. Take walks around your campus or nearby streets. Finding a peaceful spot, a good café, or even a friendly pet can make your new environment feel less foreign. Getting comfortable with your daily routes—biking, walking, or figuring out public transportation—can help things feel more manageable.

When it comes to making friends, don’t pressure yourself to force connections. It’s okay to take things slow. Look for opportunities to join groups or clubs that match your interests. Whether it’s a sports team, a study group, or something creative, shared interests can naturally lead to deeper conversations. And remember, even a simple smile or greeting can start something—sometimes people are just as nervous to reach out.

If you’re having a hard time finding activities, your university’s student center or library can be great places to start. They usually have listings for different groups or events that might match what you’re into. The more often you show up to familiar spots, the easier it’ll be to meet people who hang out in the same places.

As you adjust to the culture here, try to explore what makes it unique. You might come across new foods, music, or traditions that become favorites, or even things you’ll want to share with friends back home. 

Try to be a little extra kind to yourself. It’s completely normal to feel homesick or out of place for a while. Stay in touch with your family and friends back home, but give yourself space to settle in here too. The feeling of belonging will come with time, and eventually, this new place will start to feel more familiar.

You’ve already been incredibly brave in making this move. Trust that, with time, things will start to fall into place, and you’ll begin to find your rhythm in this new chapter.

Wishing you all the best,  

–Adam