Just TCK things: things (most) TCKs will understand
Hey everyone! It’s Amandine, the current intern at EKC. If you’ve seen my profile, you may already know I’m a TCK (Third Culture Kid) myself. I’m half French and half Belgian, born in the UK, grew up in France, Japan, Singapore, and Germany, and I’ve now been living in the Netherlands for the past 5 years.
When I was 14 years old, I found out what a TCK was and this resonated deeply with me. It was such a relief to know there’s a community of people just like me all around the world, with their own unique stories and experiences! While moving from Singapore to Germany, I decided to make a YouTube video about my life as a TCK: You can watch it here if you’d like to know a bit more about my story! → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neRp-LsGsK8
As I’ve learned about the impact that my unique (and very cool!) upbringing has had on me, I’ve come up with a few examples of things I know many fellow TCKs will relate to -
Not really knowing how to answer the question “Where is home?”
→ Is it where I live now? Is it where I was born? Is it where my family lives? Is it where I lived the longest period of time? Is it where I can speak my mother tongue? Can I just choose? Can I have several homes? IT’S CONFUSING! Don’t worry, as a TCK, this question will always be a difficult one to answer - and that’s totally normal! Personally, I always say home is a feeling rather than a place. I find my home in different places, people, memories, food, things, etc.
2. Similarly, finding it difficult to say where you’re from.
→ Whatever answer you give, you feel like you’re not telling the full story. My favorite example of this is when I was once pulled over by a police officer for a random check when visiting a friend in Austria: After telling him I spoke English, he asked me where I was from - to which I answered very naturally, without thinking: “France”. When he asked to see my ID, I handed him my Belgian one. Then he asked for my driver’s license, which is a Dutch one - and only has my place of birth, which happens to be London. “So you say you’re French, but you have a Belgian ID, and a Dutch driver’s license which says you’re from the UK—and what are you doing driving a car with a German license plate?!” To which I shamefully answered, knowing it would further complicate my case: “It’s my family’s car, they live in Germany!”.
3. Having lots of (different) friends
→ Having attended international schools pretty much my entire life, I’ve made friends from all over the world. Over the years and the many moves I’ve had, I’ve learned quite naturally to fit in wherever I go - and that means making friends with all types of people! TCKs will often be referred to as chameleons; growing up with multicultural exposure, they develop a skill set that allows them to blend into different social settings, languages, and customs. This is a great strength, but comes with a downside, which brings me to my next point -
4. People pleasing is your strength (and your weakness)
Learning to adapt quickly to my surroundings has made me sensitive to the needs and expectations of those around me. This is a common trait in TCKs, which often translates into a desire to please others. As we strive to maintain harmony and acceptance within our ever-changing social circles, we are extremely easy-going and uncomplicated. On the one hand, that’s a huge strength, especially in today’s rapidly growing multicultural world - it makes it easy for us to get along with all types of people. On the other hand, it makes it difficult for us to set our own boundaries sometimes. Our tendency to adapt to others can come at the cost of our own needs and opinions. Being exposed to so much diversity means we’re used to looking at things from different perspectives and considering other points of view than our own. This cultivates open-mindedness and understanding, but what happens when the person in front of you doesn’t have that (very privileged) skill? They may not know how to consider what’s important to you, especially if you’re not good at communicating it. It’s up to YOU to set these boundaries and expectations, and I know, I’m the first to admit it can be difficult!
5. Planning holidays and keeping in touch is hard
This also relates to my third point - having friends scattered across the globe is a huge perk when considering potential holiday destinations - it always helps to have a tour guide, and a couch to crash on :P). However, it’s also hard to keep in touch with friends that I care for but that are far away! Physical distance, varying time zones, and divergent lives all contribute to this challenge - and as I said earlier, I have pieces of my home everywhere, and I miss them! As I grow older, prioritizing is a reality I’m having to face more often. Having an increasingly busy schedule and less free time also means needing to make choices on who to make time for.
6. Going back to your passport country can feel weird
We TCKs have spent so much of our lives surrounded by people from different cultural backgrounds that we’ve absorbed aspects of all these different cultures, norms, perspectives, opinions, etc. ourselves. On the occasion that we visit our passport country, it’s not uncommon to feel awkward and out of place. This is where the big TCK identity confusion comes into play - “I say I’m from …, yet when I’m there, I feel so different from others!” The complex relationship a TCK has with their “assigned” nationality that they struggle to relate to is something very common to observe.
7. Explaining your “international” accent
“Oh, you’re French, but you don’t sound French!” or “You must be from the US!” are things I hear all the time when people meet me. Truth is, there is really such a thing as the international school accent - basically a blend of all accents.
8. Your mother tongue might not be your best-spoken language
Traditionally speaking, your mother tongue is your strongest language. Many TCKs grow up being exposed to a different language(s) than the one they learn at home - they may go to school, socialize with friends, order food at the restaurant, and speak with their family members in way more than just one language! And then comes an added layer of complexity when TCKs grow up with several languages spoken at home!
9. Dealing with funny questions and false assumptions
Growing up abroad and being exposed to so much diversity from a young age, it’s understandable that what seems to be the norm for TCKs is actually quite peculiar to many people. We eventually get used to the funny questions and comments from those who don’t know what it’s like, and we learn to navigate these with non-judgmental respect.
10. Feeling like it's not appropriate to share
TCKs often learn to filter and adjust their narratives depending on their environment - we’re often very aware that our upbringing and experiences aren’t relatable to everyone, and we want to avoid being labeled as spoiled. Similarly, just because the difficult aspects of a TCK’s life are not as obvious or openly talked about, does not mean they don’t exist. We often choose not to discuss the downsides because we fear being seen as ungrateful or dramatic, or simply because we feel others won’t understand or can’t relate. By admitting the tough moments, it can feel like we are discarding all the benefits and privileges we are aware we have.
At Expat Kids Club, our mission is to help you connect the scattered pieces of your TCK journey. Whether you're grappling with feelings of displacement, struggling to maintain a sense of identity, or simply seeking a community that gets it, we're here to walk alongside you every step of the way.