Dear EKC: I'm Nervous About Moving Away From My Parents
Dear EKC Team,
I wanted to write in because I’m feeling really nervous about moving away from home for the first time. I’ll be going away to school soon, and even though I’ve been looking forward to it for what feels like forever, now that the time is here, I don’t know what to do.
Growing up, my family has always been my rock. I’m used to knowing my parents are just down the hall if I need anything. We eat dinner together every night and always watch our favorite TV shows on Sunday. Home is my safe place; it’s where I belong. The idea of leaving that behind feels like everything is about to change. I’m not ready.
I’m not just worried about the practical things, like getting used to the new city, but more about the little moments I’ll miss. My mom and I always sit down after dinner and catch up on our day, no matter how busy things are. It’s those little routines that feel like they’re not going to be possible now, and I’m worried I’ll be lost without them.
My parents are being so supportive. They keep telling me how proud they are, and I know they want me to go and succeed—but I also see how hard this is for them too. I don’t want them to feel like I’m abandoning them and I also don’t want to feel like I’m literally moving away from everything that makes home, home. It’s hard to explain. It feels like I’m stuck between being excited for the future and already missing the life I have now.
So I guess my question is, what do I do with all these emotions? How do I stay connected with my family without feeling like I’m losing them, or like I’m holding myself back from enjoying my new life?
—Nervous and Excited
Dear Nervous and Excited,
We’re so glad you wrote in. Thank you for sharing what you’re feeling. I want to start by saying that your mix of emotions is completely normal. Moving away from home, whether it’s to boarding school, university, or a new chapter, brings up a wide range of feelings, no matter the distance.
It could be the city half an hour away from your hometown or a new country—every move away from home has its challenges. It’s natural to feel excited about this new adventure while also feeling nervous, sad, or even a little guilty for leaving.
It sounds like you’re experiencing a bit of everything: excitement for the independence and new opportunities, curiosity about what’s to come, and maybe fear or sadness about leaving behind what’s familiar. Your parents are probably feeling similar emotions too—proud of you, but also sad about this big change. All of these feelings are valid, and it’s important to give yourself and your family space to acknowledge them.
One thing that can help with the transition is to create new ways to stay connected to your parents, even when you’re apart. For example, if you have a routine like watching movies together, you can keep that going by watching the same movie at the same time and then chatting about it afterward.
Weekly check-ins can also help you feel close, whether it’s through longer phone calls or just a quick text message with photos of what you’ve been up to. You might also enjoy playing an online game together—it could be something as simple as Scrabble or a game app like Candy Crush.
Thankfully, we live in a time when technology makes staying in touch much easier. Video calls, group chats, and shared playlists or shows are all great ways to feel connected, even if you’re far apart. And don’t forget to keep celebrating special occasions! You could plan birthday Zoom parties or send gifts to open together on video calls—it helps keep the bond strong.
It might also help to plan visits home in advance. Having set dates to look forward to can make the time apart feel more manageable for everyone.
When you move, bringing familiar items from home can also provide comfort—a favorite pillow, family photos, or something sentimental that reminds you of your parents. These little touches of home can make your new space feel more familiar.
Most importantly, be kind to yourself during this process. There will be days when you miss home more than others, and that’s okay. Having a support system in your new environment is key. Make sure you connect with people who understand what you’re going through, and who can offer support when you need it.
You’re stepping into a big, exciting chapter of your life, and while it’s natural to feel nervous, it’s also an opportunity to grow and strengthen your connection with your family in new ways. I wish you the best as you take on this exciting adventure!
-Karen Schneider
EKC Psychologist