Dear EKC: How Do I Handle “Hidden Losses” After We Move?

Dear EKC Team,

I don’t know if anyone else feels like this, but I’m so exhausted at the thought of moving again. My family is moving to another new country in a few months, and I guessI should be used to it by now. We’ve moved all throughout my childhood but this time feels different. Maybe it’s because I’m older, or maybe it’s because I’ve finally made friends that I really care about here. It just sucks to wrap my head around going through all of this again.

People keep telling me how exciting it’s going to be, and yes, I get that. There are good things that come with moving. There are always new places to see, new people to meet, and chances to learn another language. But what about all that I’m losing? 

My friends, my school, and all the little things, too: my favorite park where I go to think, the café on my street where the barista already knows my order. The way the lights look on my bedroom ceiling at night. It’s like I’m leaving all the small, comforting pieces of my life too, and no one seems to notice those parts.

How do I deal with the sadness of losing all the little things that I can’t pack up and bring with me? Everyone is so focused on the opportunities of this “whole new life,” but they don’t get that I’m leaving so much behind, too.

—Stuck Between Excited and Sad

Dear Stuck,

Thank you for writing in. Wow, you’re going through a lot right now, and I want to start by reminding you that everything you’re feeling is completely normal. Moving to a new place can bring a lot of mixed emotions—excitement for what’s coming, but also sadness for what you’re leaving behind. And that sadness is very real, even when it’s about the small, everyday things that no one else might notice.

What you’re experiencing are what we call “hidden losses.” These are the things that aren’t always obvious to other people, but they mean a lot to you—like the park you love or the familiar feeling of your home. 

For Third Culture Kids (TCKs) like you, who have moved around a lot, hidden losses are a part of life. Every time you move, you leave behind routines, places, and feelings that have become special to you. It’s important to give yourself the space to grieve those things.

You’re allowed to feel sad about these losses. Even though you’ll have new opportunities in your next home, it doesn’t make the things you’re leaving behind any less important. So take a moment to acknowledge those little comforts that made this place feel like home. Give yourself permission to say, “This is hard, and it’s okay to feel this way.”

At the same time, try to be kind to yourself. You’re going through a big transition, and it’s normal to feel a mix of emotions. It’s easy to think you should be all excited or all sad, but the truth is, you can feel both at the same time. Be gentle with yourself on the days when the sadness feels heavier.

One thing that might help is finding ways to keep some of your old routines or interests with you, even in your new place. Maybe there’s a park near your new home where you can create new memories, or a café where you can start a new tradition. It won’t be exactly the same, and that’s okay–that might even be good. But sometimes, finding even a small connection to something you loved can bring a bit of comfort in the midst of change.

And as you settle into your new life, remember that this move also gives you the chance to try new things. You’re right—there will be “life presents” waiting for you! You don’t have to forget the things you’re leaving behind, but you can also make space for new hobbies, places, and experiences that fit the person you’re becoming.

Think of your life like a puzzle. You already have some beautiful pieces in place from where you used to live. Now it’s time to add new ones. Find new ones that fit well, that fit YOU well. Once you start connecting the pieces, your puzzle will be even bigger and more colorful.

You’re doing an amazing job handling this, even though it’s hard. Take your time, and be patient with yourself. Know that it’s okay to carry a bit of sadness with you, even as you open yourself up to all the new things waiting for you in this next chapter. If you need to talk, we’re here for you.

Wishing you all the best,

Daphne Bouchépillon
-EKC Therapist