Cracking the Friendship Code: Tackling TCK Challenges in Making Lasting Connections

Ever felt the joy of reuniting with friends from all over the world, only to notice that those strong bonds are getting a bit wobbly? As in, you used to keep in contact with regular video chats, but over the years, this has turned into occasionally liking each other’s Instagram posts, for several years now. For Third-Culture Kids (TCKs), making and keeping friends can be a bit of a puzzle, and the hurdles are as diverse as the places we've lived.

Why is making and keeping friends a bit tricky for TCKs?

Imagine this: You come back from a super fun vacation, buzzing with stories. Meeting friends from different parts of the world is awesome. But, as life gets back to normal—school, work, new places—keeping those friendships going becomes a bit like juggling, with different time zones and busy schedules making it even more complicated. This means that although when you’re all in one place, things are easy and fun, “real life” can put a wrench in things.

TCKs have a unique lifestyle, one that many of their friends might not.  It’s true that many TCKs befriend other TCKs, especially if they attend an international school. However, friends from passport countries or who grew up local to your child’s new home will not be able to relate to the challenges of being an expat. For example, the friendships made during all those global adventures can feel a bit temporary. This means your child may experience grief or anxiety around friendships. Although they can still react to Snapchat Stories, your child can’t walk around the corner and knock on their friend’s front door. They might also be scared to start up a new friendship - what if this one ends in the same way, with another multi-hour flight apart? 

“TCKs have a unique lifestyle, one that many of their friends might not”

What can we do to help kids stay connected?

The first step is to open the door and get your child talking. Share your own experiences with your child; let them know the ways that you relate to their challenges and (especially!) what you have found helpful in those moments. Encourage them to also speak directly with friends with whom they feel they have drifted apart. Maybe their friends feel the same way and would like to bond more, too. Having these honest talks can help, especially when you're all trying to figure out friendships in the midst of all the moving around.

Look for the things that make friendships special. Ask your child, "What makes you feel really connected to your friends?" Whether it's shared hobbies, inside jokes, or exploring new cultures together, these are the things that keep friendships strong even when you're far away.

When your child can’t find the words to talk about it, help them find other ways of expressing themselves. Things like art projects are a great way to non-verbally express emotion, but there are other options too, like movement-based activities.

One of the most effective ways we can support our children is by embracing radical acceptance, a principle deeply rooted in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. This involves acknowledging the reality that both positive and negative experiences coexist. For instance, maintaining friendships while living in different places can present challenges. It's perfectly normal if they feel a bit disheartened by this; it's simply a natural part of the TCK experience.

And remember, the challenges are temporary. With time, your child will get the hang of it, building friendships that can withstand distance and busy schedules. New experiences are around the corner, and the excitement of meeting old and new friends is always there.

At the Expat Kids Club, we get the TCK journey, and we're here to help families navigate it. Check out our website to see how we can support you in helping your child build and keep meaningful friendships around the world!