Siblings: Two Peas in a Pod or Worlds Apart?
At The Expat Kids Club, we often hear parents say, "He is so different from his siblings!" But what makes siblings so distinct yet similar in some ways?
To illustrate this, imagine two sisters, Julia and Jasmin, who are both Third Culture Kids (TCKs). Julia is 13, and Jasmin is 8. They were both born in Norway and now live in the Netherlands. Julia is calm and sensitive, while Jasmin is full of energy and imagination. They both speak Spanish, Norwegian, and English and are learning Dutch. Julia loves photography and horseback riding, while Jasmin loves drawing and playing outside. However, since moving to the Netherlands 11 months ago, Julia has not touched her camera or riding boots and has been feeling lonely. Jasmin, on the contrary, wants to go on play dates every day after school and can’t wait for her Dutch swimming lessons. Why might Julia need some extra support when Jasmin finds her way into a new culture in an instant?
Nature vs Nurture
Nature versus nurture is a long-standing debate in psychology, also when it comes to siblings. It seems that both nature (our genes) and nurture (our experiences) lead to similarities between siblings. Julia and Jasmin are biological siblings, so they share about half of their DNA. That might be why both of the girls have dyslexia, a learning difficulty that affects reading and writing. This condition could be influenced by their shared genetics. The girls also have the same parents, who really enjoy nature and the arts. Ever since they were little, their parents took them to places like the forest, the Natural History Museum, and the theater. While Julia and Jasmin have their own interests now, they were influenced by their family's love for nature and the arts. Julia and Jasmin shared lots of experiences and environments: they are both TCKs and have lived in the same countries, attended the same schools, and even shared a bedroom for three years. This is why Julia and Jasmin enjoy the Norwegian and Spanish traditions, speak multiple languages, and have learned to be adaptive and culturally sensitive.
Worlds apart…?
But why are Julia and Jasmin sometimes so different, even though they grew up in the same family? Well, there are a few reasons. For starters, Julia was born five years before Jasmin. During the first five years of her life, Julia was an only child. Her parents, being relatively young and inexperienced at the time, were quite protective of her. This protective environment might explain why Julia tends to be cautious when approaching new things.
When Jasmin came along, their parents were more experienced and less protective. This difference in parenting approach also shaped the girls. Additionally, Jasmin had to share her parents' time and attention with Julia, which meant she was free to explore on her own, leading her to acquire many skills early and become quite determined. Moreover, even though both sisters were born in Norway, Jasmin was only two years old when the family moved to Spain. That is why she often forgets Norwegian words and doesn’t really like speaking the language. She also doesn’t feel like Norway is her home the same way the rest of her family does. Julia, on the other hand, has vivid memories of Norway and the move to Spain. She still misses her Norwegian friends and dreams of moving back there one day.
When the family moved to the Netherlands, it was challenging for Julia to adapt to the new school because she still remembered the difficulties of moving to Spain. She had eventually made good friends there, and at the age of 12, all she wanted to do was to spend time with them. She was heartbroken to leave her old friends behind and couldn’t quite find her place at the new school in The Netherlands. For Jasmin however, moving to the Netherlands was an adventure, as she had only recently started school in Spain and was more adaptable to changing schools.
…Or two peas in a pod?
Of course, genes also have something to do with Julia and Jasmin being so different from each other. After all, sharing one-half of their DNA also means the other half of the girls’ DNA is not shared! For example, Julia has green eyes and Jasmin has brown eyes because they received different versions of the “eye color genes”. But genetics also influence their personalities, such as Julia's sensitivity and Jasmin's adaptability. Some genetic variations make people more sensitive to their environment, just like orchids, and they thrive in suitable conditions but struggle when conditions aren't optimal. However, other people have a different genetic variation, which makes them more resilient to their surroundings, just like dandelions!
In essence, there is no straight-forward answer to why siblings are the way they are. But understanding the effects of genes and experiences does shed some light on why sometimes one kid might need some extra support while their siblings are doing just fine on their own. Or, other times all siblings could use some extra support. As each sibling is unique, support should be tailored just for them. Therefore, at the Expat Kids Club we pair each sibling with a different therapist. If you would like to learn more about how The Expat Kids Club can support your family, check out our services page or send us an inquiry message.